By: Madeleine Suhrbier
Losing a loved one is a universal experience that nobody seems to talk about. Sometimes we struggle to find the right words to say, and most of the time it’s uncomfortable. Kai, a student at West Chester University, recently created a podcast episode recounting his journey coping with grief:
In this interview, I wanted to dive deeper into the topic of losing a loved one and see what advice Kai had for people grieving, and for those who have friends going through loss.
What advice would you give to students who are going through something similar?
It’s very easy to get lost in your own emotions and head about anything. Especially after a traumatic event, your mind can go places you never thought of or never wanted to in the first place. The best advice I can give to anyone who is coping with grief is to accept how your mind and body process it. Everyone’s experience with loss and grief is different, so it’s important to stay close to those who matter to help keep you in check. We aren’t meant to be alone. We need connections in all aspects of our lives.
What is something that helps you when you are hit by a wave of grief?
When I get hit with a wave of grief, I tend to gravitate towards breathing techniques and stretching that I have learned over the years. It really helps ground me. It also reminds me to be in the present moment and grateful for all the connections that I currently have.
Did you find support in any unexpected places?
I started personal therapy around eighth grade for personal reasons. However, I processed a lot of my grief through therapy, as well as through my closest family and friends. Since this was the first time I truly experienced grief, I didn’t quite know how to feel about it. It almost didn’t feel real at first. I guess that’s what shock and disbelief can do.
In 2020, I was longing for something to fulfill me, as I was feeling a bit lost. I started practicing Yoga, and I immediately fell in love with how the breathing techniques helped me work through my emotions and be more present with all the people who are still in my life.
What ways did people support you that helped the most? If I had a friend who was grieving, what are some ways you recommend I support them?
In my personal experience coping with grief, the people around me understood when I was ready to talk through my emotions. They especially knew when I needed to have my alone time to process everything. My mother was my best support, but during this time I was grieving closest to my father. The range of emotions he displayed over the following weeks revealed a side of himself I had rarely seen. That itself helped me know I wasn’t alone. We often talked about our most fond memories with my grandmother. Eventually, after moving past the majority of my sadness, I shifted my focus towards all the good times and emotions I experienced when she was still here.
If you ever need to support a close friend or family member through grief, it helps to know them well. This allows you to decide whether they need space or want to talk. It’s best not to force anyone to talk or be around others if they don’t want to. With that being said, be aware if someone is showing signs of irregular isolation or extreme mental strain.
I love the story of your grandma flipping you off. Could you speak a little more on that memory, and how you said life is still absurd, funny, and beautiful, even on the brink of death?
Since that was my first full experience with losing a loved one, I had to see it unfold stage by stage. From the very beginning, when the doctors diagnosed her with cancer, we shifted our focus. Mainly savoring the present moment and having as much fun with her as possible. And even though I have a lifetime of memories with her, the last one she gave me has stuck with me forever. It’s a little moment like that that shapes your outlook on life. She was clearly in pain, but she still saw passed it and made the atmosphere lighten up with the middle finger she gave. I knew it wasn’t in spite or ill intent, and that’s why it didn’t bother me. It showed me her true, carefree, loving self for all she was worth.
In summary, support is crucial when it comes to experiencing a loss. It’s important to know where to find support and how to support someone else. If you or someone you know is coping with grief, you’re not alone.
If you or someone you know is navigating grief, you’re not alone. Alongside Kai’s story, I also spoke with Moira Compton, a counselor here at West Chester University to learn more about the support available on campus and get professional advice on coping with loss.
West Chester University Counseling Center: https://www.wcupa.edu/_services/counselingCenter/
