The “YOLO” mindset is one that has been manipulating people since the acronym first caught its stride. Yes, making the most out of the opportunities given to us as college students is important. After all, the traditional college experience concludes after 4 short years. But no, not every opportunity is intended to be seized. How do we balance making the most of the opportunities given to us without neglecting the responsibilities we already have? Is there even time for taking care of our own wellbeing?
There’s a kind of unspoken pressure on campus: say yes to everything. Want to join another club? Yes. Volunteer on the weekend? Yes. Take on an extra course because “why not”? Yes. Get an internship and a part-time job? Yes and yes. We’re only young once, isn’t this the perfect time in our lives to try and do it all?
The truth is, saying yes to everything all the time can quickly go south. And eventually, I learned that saying no isn’t a sign of laziness or failure, it’s a sign of self-respect.
The burnout of “yes” culture
Freshman and Sophomore year, everything feels like an urgent opportunity. It’s nearly impossible to see others somehow managing multiple clubs, an impressive GPA, internships and a social life without feeling the need to exert your time and energy in every direction too.
Unsurprisingly, I found myself overcommitted my first two collegiate years (and that is something I admittedly still struggle with today). I felt that if I were to say no to anything, that I would miss out on fleeting opportunities. I was stretched so thin, I barely even made time for sleep (check out this article for all of the reasons why sleep should be a big priority). Because of how much I had going on, I couldn’t give my 100% to any of my responsibilities. In dedicating my time and energy to everyone and everything around me, I realized I was saying yes to everyone except myself. I realized that I needed to start setting boundaries. I needed to start saying no.
Boundaries you need to set
Academic boundaries: Overloading on credits or signing up for unnecessary hard classes is a choice that can and will come back to haunt you. Register for and schedule your classes based on their importance for your own academic journey that you know you will be able to manage. Quality will always be greater than quantity, especially when it comes to education.
Social boundaries: If you want your people to show up for you, you have to show up for your people. However, being a good friend does not mean you need to say yes to every party, hangout or FaceTime call. It’s okay to miss out every once in a while.
Digital boundaries: Modern technology and social media has enforced an ideology that everyone can and should be reachable 24/7, 365 days a year. Constant availability = stress. It might not be such a bad idea to hit that DND button sometimes.
Tips & tricks to make boundary setting a little easier
Undoubtedly, saying “no” can be a powerful thing. However, for all of the people-pleasers out there like myself, saying no can be a lot harder than others may think. Here are some ways to make saying “no” a little less awkward:
Decline invitations politely: “Thanks for thinking of me! I have a lot going on right now so I can’t this time. Is there any other time that works for you?” This way, you are able to avoid saying yes to things you cannot definitely commit to without counting yourself out of any future opportunities.
Communicate upfront honestly: “I’m joining this club, but I can only commit to attending once a month rather than weekly due to all of my other responsibilities.” This way, you will not create any unattainable expectations for yourself.
Use buffer phrases: “Let me double check my schedule and get back to you!” This way, you’ll have space to reflect rather than just saying yes habitually.
Kick the guilt: Even though the word “no” generally has a negative connotation attached to it, saying no is not always a bad thing. Remember that there are only 24 hours in the day. We’re humans, not superheroes.
Why boundaries matter
Setting boundaries is a real life skill with real benefits, and should be a practice done in all facets of life. Findings show that those who regularly stay consistent to the boundaries they set show a 40% increase in confidence levels, and a 60% increase in relationship satisfaction. Setting boundaries is a way to ensure you will be able to fully show up for not just all of your friends, family, jobs, classes or clubs, but a way to ensure you will be able to fully show up for yourself as well.
College has taught me what feels like one million life lessons, but one I will carry with me for the rest of my life is that it’s impossible to say yes to everyone and everything every time. Saying no isn’t a sign of laziness if it’s for the betterment of yourself or whatever is important to you. So next time you find yourself wondering if you should add one more thing to your to-do list, ask yourself the questions “Do I have the space for this?” or “Will I regret this decision later?” Saying “no” in the moment can lead to saying “yes” to yourself on a larger scale longer term.
Caroline Shannon is a senior and a Media & Culture major here at West Chester University. She loves all things pop culture, and hopes to one day pursue a career in media writing in entertainment.
